if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
