I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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