She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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