I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
