ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
