I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
