the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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