Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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