I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
