I can text with my tongue
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
