Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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