The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
