we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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