I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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