Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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