He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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