I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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