I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
