Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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