oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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