I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
