I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize