Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I touched a dick in church today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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