stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So. Much. Porn.
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