Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
