Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
