Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
