shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
