So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
