Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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