those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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