i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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