State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
