Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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