her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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