Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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