I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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