I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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