He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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