He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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