who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
