Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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