Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
