My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
