dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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