im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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