her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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