P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
