i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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