i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
