It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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