i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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