I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
