I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
