she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
