It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
