took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
