she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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