Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
