listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
