She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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