just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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