I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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