why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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