I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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