Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
