I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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