you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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