he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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